Every once in a while, you manage to discover something on your own that makes you feel like a genius and an idiot all at once. Today I learned how to use cling-wrap. I mean, use it properly. Of course I've used cling-wrap before. But never very well.

I am not just talking about having it stick to itself (I actually have a good tip for that, believe it or not). I am talking about just getting the damned stuff out of the box and off the roll.

See, here's what always happens to me: I pull out a length of cling-wrap, and when I try to tear it off, I can never seem to get the stupid serrated metal teeth to cut into it. I know. I'm retarded. So what would happen is that I would just stretch the plastic until it snapped at the side, at some arbitrary, useless point, and I had to start all over again, after cleaning up the ragged mess of cling-bits I'd left still attached to the roll.

But today, I was wrapping up chicken breasts for freezing (individual portions... yes, I'm single), and I decided to figure it out. Those of you who are cling-wrap masters can skip over this part. No, seriously. Bugger off, you think you're so smart. For the rest of you, here's what you do:

1. Hold the cling-wrap from the end
2. Keeping the whole strip tight without touching the metal teeth
3. Then, just twist the wrist that's holding the box until the teeth touch the cling-wrap (keep it tight!)
4. WHAMMO, the whole strip will just pop right off!

(Hey... I thought I told you to skip ahead!)

Today. A paradigm shift in the kitchen. I'm euphoric.

TIP: To keep cling-wrap from sticking to itself, keep the box in the freezer! I'm serious! It works! Look at the exclamation marks! They don't lie!

Found this link in a newsletter I get about Windows XP. Imagine: geeks with a sense of humour.

What I like best about this is that the "experiment" is taking place at Harvard. If this is what our best minds are coming up with, there may be hope after all.

I'm thinking that I might do some experiments of my own in Stanley Park, where the squirrels are known to jump onto your knee and scramble up your leg until you scream like a schoolgirl and drop whatever you are holding in your hands.

I would also recommend this as a great way to spice up the normally stultifying trip to your local park. Bring your camera, and send me the shots!

Click here to go Squirrel Fishing!

I'm confused about what the US is fighting for.

They are threatening to declare war against Iraq because they suspect Iraq has weapons of mass destruction.

They are NOT threatening to declare war against North Korea, who they KNOW has weapons of mass destruction.

They can't be fighting for the oil, because Saddam will destroy his own oil fields before letting the US take them.

Does anybody know what is this all about?

I received an email from my friend Nanci today. There was a Powerpoint slideshow attached. "Not for the faint of heart," her message said.

The slideshow is part of an ad campaign against drunk driving. The images are graphic, and watching the story unfold on my screen, I had to fight sobbing.

This is not shock-value advertising for shock's sake. This is reality. And it's about time we saw it instead of the watered-down, piano-music schlock that's tried to keep the roads safe.

After you watch this presentation, I think you'll agree that it's the most sobering thing you've experienced in years. And the next time you're about to drink and drive, I guarantee you'll think of this woman's story. You might even call a cab.

Click here to view the presentation in your browser, or right-click to download the file