I don't read newspapers. I get my news online, and the only print part that interests me is the comics, which I read at work.

Newspapers are undergoing a serious risk to their survival. Consider that more and more people get their news online; ad and subscription revenue will decrease directly with decreasing print circulations, and reach a tipping point unless the media outlets can find a better way to leverage their online products.

This article on Slashdot.org provided some good suggestions for how to address these concerns, as well as a few suggestions that would help any blog-based web site.

It must be hard to find things to research if you're an academic specializing in both Art and Psychology. Especially if you have an entire association depending on you. One might get so desperate that one might be driven to research some otherwise ridiculous, pointless, fun-to-joke-about-while-you're-high topics in order to keep one's funding. That's the only rationale I can think of behind a project reported on by the CBC, that claims up to 20% of people who look at the statue of David experience symptoms of stomach pains, dizziness, hallucinations, and the urge to destroy the work depicting perfect male beauty.

The female research lead, referring to Michelangelo's David, claims that "Men of 35 to 40 years of age ... are attracted by the extraordinary masculine beauty and at the same time, are also agitated." Perhaps this is some kind of homo-erotic insinuation; if anything, one look at David's penis should make anybody feel more confident about their luggage: that thing's tiny.

Regardless, David is relatively safe from harm; after all, he's made from solid stone. That's right, firm, smooth, uh... glistening... stone. Yep... uh, he's hard as a rock... he's, uh... HULK SMASH!!! AAARRGH!!!

The media is starting to sound like a bunch of four year olds. Over the past few years, I've noticed an alarming increase in the number of times people use the word "less" when what they mean is "fewer." In conversation, in articles, and even recently, in marketing slogans. It sounds ridiculous, especially coming from the mouths of educated CBC radio personalities who speak for a living.

It's simple: if you can count the thing you're referring to, you use "fewer." Otherwise, you use "less."

A good example is that if you have fewer dollars than your friend, you have less money. You may be thinking, "Huh? I can count my money!" Actually, you can't. You can have 20 dollars, but not 20 money. "Less dollars" sounds as silly as "fewer money," but these mistakes are being made daily by radio and television personalities. Which means, in many cases, that their writers are making them, too.

To see if you're getting it, try to figure out which of the following nouns should be preceded by fewer, and which by less:

a) wombats
b) time
c) sheep
d) patients
e) patience

The correct answers are, of course, a) fewer, b) less, c) fewer, d) fewer, and e) 42. (E was a trick question about the meaning of life.)

This may seem like a trivial thing to be upset about; sure, young people use a lot of slang and don't pay close attention to their communication, but when it's important, they can rely on their solid command of the language, right?

Wrong. Talk to any English teacher. Few North American students are able to string together a single cogent essay page. What we get instead is a mash-up of incorrectly used five-dollar words.

This feigned literacy has become the norm, and we should be taking the problem more seriously. It has pervaded all levels of business and government, to the shame and heartache of millions.

Don't believe me? Two words: George Bush. And on that topic, here's a bonus application of today's lesson:

"Less Bush means fewer wars, which results in fewer deaths, and less sorrow." (See how easy it is?)

My computer science class is starting a unit on video game design. They are using a freeware program called GameMaker that frees them from all the background programming details. After two units of real programming, they are vibrating with excitement. Yesterday we played a bunch of GameMaker-designed games so they could get a feel for what's possible. Today I had them write down a basic outline of a game they would design. Here are my two favourites:

1. I would like to make a game that is sort of like Zelda with keys and doors, but if that is to [sic] hard then I would like to make a game sort of like Mario. To pass the game you have to rescue all of the missing cookies and pink dogs. Yes Pink Dogs! If you want to attack an enemy you could spray it with perfume so it will pass out. Your health will be replenished by credit cards. Your perfume must be replenished at a store. This game takes place in a mall.
2. The game I want to make, but probably won't because of complicatedness, is Ninjas Versus Pirates. The ninjas have a long history of conflict with the pirates, it goes a long way back. Possibly, later on in the game, they find a common third enemy, maybe the samurai or the cowboys, and join forces to defeat their evil leaders. There will be pick-up-able weapons to use, ranging from the ninja's katanas and stars, and the pirates [sic] cutlasses, pistols, and peg-leg clubs.

Finally, pirates get the video game tribute they deserve. I always knew those peg legs had a more sinister use.