I got my first property tax assessment yesterday. It was for the entire year, and since I only received possession at the end of February, I figured my expense should be pro-rated. When I phoned the number on the invoice, and described my situation, I was forwarded to a woman who answered the phone, "Good afternoon-- Tax Assessment and... (BLANK) Office?"

Your job? Guess what other municipal duty the Calgary government decided to pair with Tax Assessment.

a) Land Titles
b) License Registry
c) Property By-Laws
d) Ambulance

The correct answer, in a city that spends millions of dollars destroying the retail and residential land on a major thoroughfare in order to add 2 lanes of traffic, and a province that repeatedly squanders multi-billion dollar surpluses while health care and education crumble, is:

Ambulance.

"Good afternoon! Tax Assessment and Ambulance?"

To which I replied, "I'm sorry-- what's the name of your department?"

"Tax Assessment and Ambulance," she replied.

"Wow," I said. "That's the most interesting combination of responsibilities I've ever heard of." I was keeping my voice playful and upbeat, as I didn't mean it as an insult. I was sure she would laugh and say she heard that all the time. Instead, there was silence on the line.

I tried again. "Doesn't it strike you as odd to combine Tax Assessment and Ambulance?"

"Hm," she said, with cardboard stiffness. "I don't know. I guess I've never really thought about it before."

I needed a snack today, and found that I had only two options: popcorn and oatmeal. I enjoy both these foods, and in a moment of sheer boredom, I decided to see which one was "better" for me.

For the record, I was comparing "President's Choice Blue Menu Trans Fat Free Butter flavour popcorn,"
to "President's Choice Organic Instant Oatmeal." The instant oatmeal was a variety pack, so to be fair, I will show both the best and worst measurements in the comparison. Also, the serving size is one pouch of oatmeal, and one-half bag of popcorn.

Nutrition Fact	Popcorn	Oatmeal Best/Worst
Calories	160	140/150
Fat	2.5g	2/2.5g
Sodium	230mg	125/290mg
Fibre	5g	3/3g
Sugars	0g	1/11g
Protein	4g	5/3g
Vitamin A	6%	0/0%
Calcium	0%	2/2%
Iron	6%	10/8%

I was a bit stunned at how close the numbers were. Keep in mind that in the oatmeal section, the best and worst numbers were scattered among the three flavours, so if you wanted low sodium, you also got higher calories. Overall, the regular oatmeal was the healthiest, but it also had the lowest fibre. And, being "plain," you can be sure I would have had to add brown sugar. I mean, who the hell eats plain oatmeal?!?
So the moral of the story seems to be that you're not paying any huge dietary price to have popcorn instead of oatmeal.
If anybody wants to add their own startling nutrition facts, or refute what I've concluded above, please leave a comment. Meanwhile, I hear the last lonely pops of my afternoon snack calling.

I might need some pop to wash it down. Don't tell my girlfriend I'm eating this.

The honeymoon phase is over, apparently. My new, wonderful, awesome girlfriend has requested a fatwa on my posting about her.

This means that she knows me well enough to know that:

1. I sometimes write things that accidentally hurt people's feelings,
2. I sometimes write things that I know tease other people, but incorrectly assess how lightly they will take it, and
3. I cannot be trusted to censor myself where love is concerned

What I will say is this: we are playing lots, talking lots, working together lots, and discovering each other lots. I think maybe the best thing I've learned so far is that a good relationship
has an inherent sense of abundance and fecundity
that calms your fears of running out of things to say, accepting a soporific boredom, or having the edges of your tongue sharpened by regret or remorse.

So despite my high-spirits, I must refrain from making any posts specifically about her, or us. I wonder if she'll count this one?